“Once I am thirty years old, I will be taken seriously at work and I will have the confidence needed to really be successful professionally.” That’s what I kept telling myself in my twenties.
Ha! What a joke.
I didn’t do anything different — no real effort to grow, change or understand myself– I just kept moving forward like I always did. And how did I move forward? By trying to be everything everyone else wanted me to be. I was always looking outward instead of inward.
Seriously, my twenties were a gift that I didn’t appreciate or take advantage of properly. It was the one time life was all about me, and what did I do? Nothing!
Did I further my education? No.
Did I take the time to figure out what I actually liked or disliked? Nope.
Travel outside of the United States to see the world? No.
Pick up a hobby or learn anything outside of work? Double nope.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a blast! Maybe too much fun. I worked hard, enjoyed my friends and family as I had done throughout my life.
When I hit 30 years old, I felt like a failure. I was living out in the suburbs with my husband and had just quit a job that I accepted for one reason – to make $30,000 before I turned 30. Turns out, it’s not about the money.
The year before that, I was in the city surrounded by friends, my sister and cousins, and then I moved to Lisle, IL. I knew absolutely no one there-just my husband’s family and friends. No one knew me.
My husband had started his own company, so I worked for him while I tried to figure out my next move. A client of his ended up hiring me to manage their conference education. Everything was finally clicking…. and then I got pregnant with our son.
Yes, being a parent was my dream and I was very happy. But all that self-work I should have done in my twenties could not happen now. Being a mother, wife and daughter took all of my energy. What I truly needed had to be put on hold. See where this is going?
My three children arrived when I was 31, 33 and 35. During those years, I managed conference education for an association and genuinely loved the work and the people. The internet was a lifesaver, letting me work from home while raising my babies-which was totally cutting-edge back then. I really had the best of both worlds. As usual, I worked my butt off and was super thankful for my life
Right around when my youngest was born, my husband’s company stopped being a tiny basement operation and started taking off in a different direction. On her due date, I was washing the floors of our new office. While I was in the hospital after she was born, I was on the hospital phone reviewing applications and setting up job interviews. It was nuts.
Somewhere along the way I turned 40, then 50. I raised three amazing kids into adults, loved every minute of it, and also took care of and buried both my parents, giving them back all the love they had given me. Through it all, I kept working at my husband’s company, in the same industry as that first fun job I had.
A few years ago- broken leg, a post-menopausal body I didn’t recognize, an empty nest, and a business hurt by COVID- it was finally time! I took the time to figure out what I wanted, who I was and where I was going. I was done being a daughter, my run as a full-time Mom was over, and I knew I had to work on myself to be a better wife. But most importantly, I owed it to myself.
The biggest change? I cut out the middleman. I stopped pouring all my energy into other people, hoping they’d give it back. Now, I put that energy into myself. That lets me see and understand who I am, and I spend my time doing the things I actually want to do.
Today, my kids are grown and living their fabulous lives. My husband and I are about to celebrate 30 years of marriage and 30 years in the same house. I am CEO of his company(he retired last year).
We are about to make some seriously exciting changes to the company and our software product! These are changes only a team that’s been in this industry for decades can pull off.
I totally wish I had done that self-work in my late twenties-it would have given me so much more confidence all these years. But honestly, I’m so glad I finally took the time in my late fifties so I can truly enjoy this “last act” of life.
The biggest take away? I genuinely love to work! And sticking with the same industry for over 35 years has given me knowledge you can’t teach — it’s earned through living and doing.
It has been 30 years since I was that insecure girl in my twenties. Would I change anything? Yes! I would have put myself first and invested in myself when I had the chance. (Oh, and I definitely would have worked on getting rock-hard abs before getting pregnant! )
I’m getting ready to turn sixty, and I’ve never been more excited about the future! The cake of my life is baked; now I’m just enjoying putting the icing on it.
Growing Up 80s 
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