My husband studied film making in college but graduated with an Economics degree. Unlike the Econ degree, film making stayed with him. My parents bought us a VHS camera when our son was born and from that point on Dan filmed our lives. His cameras became more expensive and more accessories were purchased – including a boom to hold the microphone!
He filmed us all of the time. It truly annoyed me.
On vacations, I carried everything like a mule and took care of the kids and their safety while Dan just followed us around filming, carrying only his camera. To me, he seemed to never parent, only film.
One time, our daughter Danielle was out on the driveway playing in the puddles after a rain. She was 1 or 2 years old. We have footage of her slurping water from the driveway puddles like a dog. See what I mean?
He filmed our daily lives. Kids fighting, playing, conversations during family dinners, walking to the bus stop, playing at the park, he filmed while we were on family bike rides (!) and he managed to set up a tripod to capture our many dance parties.
He also filmed the stuff everyone films, the stuff we will never watch again – soccer games, band concerts, dance recitals, school plays, graduations, etc. We sat through them in life and that was enough. They don’t show who we were as a family. They don’t show personality.
This got me thinking about the years we raised our children. As I look back over all of it, there are so many things we did wrong. My kids have a group chat that I believe is to help them through all of the things we did wrong. At least in my head this is what they are discussing. But I do believe there is one thing we did right, and I have to (oh gosh, I can’t believe I am saying this) thank my husband for this one thing. Here it is – he made sure our life centered around the family and not around the children.
I was all caught up in the entire “Naperville Mom” thing and signed the kids up for all of the things … baseball, soccer, softball, basketball, dance, band, acting, gymnastics – with 3 kids there were a lot of things! Dan kept his eye on what was truly important – our family. Although I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so busy scheduling and then driving my minivan to all of the practices, games, events, concerts, etc., Dan was creating our family fun in the present and our family memories for the future.
As I deemed myself the master scheduler (I was!), it was my job to fit all of the things into the week while adhering to these rules that Dan would not negotiate: family dinner all together at least 3 nights a week and nothing on Friday nights because of “Family Movie Night”.
It was difficult but each year I managed it. In the end, it was the best thing we did for our kids and our family.
Family time is what it is all about. It is the time to talk, teach, laugh, fight, cry and dance. Family time is how you teach your children to be part of a family so that they can successfully be part of a classroom, team, relationship, and job with ease.
Family dinners demonstrate how to share in conversation, how to listen, have manners, prepare a meal and clean up the meal. You can take it a step further and show how to decide the meals for the week, how to make a grocery list, how to shop and then how to cook. But most importantly, the family dinner demonstrates how they are a part of something – the family – whatever your family may look like.
Our family totaled 5 people so each person was 20% of the family. We were each only 20% of the whole family. The family never revolved around one of us but rather we were all part of something. As a parent, my 20% came with different responsibilities than my son or one of my daughters.
Part of being a family is having fun together – enjoying bike rides, walking in the woods, watching movies at home, enjoying music and having dance parties. Fun things done together that do not cost money, only your undivided attention. Lately, I have been seeing a family play softball together in the park behind our house – perfect example!
Music was a big part of our house. The TV was on as an event but music was on as we lived and went about our day. Living in Chicagoland made for many nights when playing outside was not an option. After dinner, we needed something to tire the kids out before the big “nighty night” process. What started as something to tire them out, became part of the fabric of our family life. Through the years, Dan filmed us having fun together and dance parties were a big part of it.
Running around carting them from practice to game to lessons and play dates are great but it’s not the main act. Showing them that they are part (and just one part) of whatever your family looks like gives them the confidence to be the people they need to be in the world when you drop them off.
In 2016, Dan put this video together of us dancing through the years. I love this video and so happy he took the time to film us, even when we didn’t want him to.
Growing Up 80s 
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